Becoming comfortable with grey.

"I like these cold, grey, winter days."
- Bill Watterson
I used to hate the word grey. In fact, still do. Put simply, grey is just a dirty white. It's a tainted colour. It's not what it's meant to be. 

After taking 6th form photography I vowed that it wouldn't be a word registered on my vocabulary. You see, in the darkroom, your goal and purpose is to get the best print possible. You want absolute blacks and absolute whites. You want it to be clear, not washed out, and definitely not grey. God forbid!
It was a word I heard far too much. Everytime the teacher was talking to me about my prints and the word 'grey' was uttered I knew that it meant more work - more time slaving in the darkroom. When 'grey' was used to describe my work, all I heard was that I was crap at something that means an awful lot to me.

Grey, to me, means disappointment. It means hard work. It means less than the best. It means tainted. It means that I'm not good enough.

But this week I have been challenged with this. Grey is confronting me yet again.

In your walk with God you are going to have highs and lows. You're naive if you think otherwise. Sometimes you will be in a season of closeness. Seasons when you hear Him all the time and have plenty of spiritual experiences to keep you feeling full. Likewise, there will be seasons of distance. Periods of time when you cannot see Him, hear Him, or feel his prescence with you at all.
Nine times out ten as we go through our day we are not going to physically recognise God with us. We are just going to be doing our job at work. We are just going to be hanging out the washing. We are just going to be catching up with friends. Fireworks are not going to constantly be marking our relationship with God. It's easy to go to a youth camp and get caught up in the hype and excitement. But my question for you is 'when you're 42 years old, what will it be that keeps you going for God?'

I was talking to a good friend of mine and she shared with me something that an older mentor of hers had shared with her - learn to become comfortable with grey.

Things are not always going to be cystal clear with God. Sometimes our prints are going to be tainted grey. Sometimes they will turn purple at the edges if they are not kept in the fixer for long enough. But we have to be alright with that. It will mean that when we do get the perfect print - absolute blacks and absolute whites - we can relish in thanks.

Learn to appreciate your moments with God. And in all those other times, be okay with grey.
"The photographers palette is a thousand shades of grey"
- H. E. Clarke

I am going to have to change my connotations of grey.

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