Lucky for you I've been super busy this week. That means instead of reading my awkwardly formed sentences you can enjoy another one of these.



“What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us, as it were, off our guard.”
- C.S. Lewis


when you're done with this world

Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967 - John Mayer.

I like to listen to this song with my eyes closed. Pure brilliance.

This song I love for many reasons. Point one, it is a story about a man who is building his own little submarine (that alone should automatically put this song somewhere in your top25!). Point two, this man believes that this submarine he is building will be strong enough to carry him across an ocean - dream big people. Which leads to point three, it inspires us to follow our dreams. Point four, our journey will not be without disappointments, mockery and trouble - Walt Grace was called 'crazy' even by his wife. Point five, the story leaves us with some uncertainty and room for our own interpretation (for those who have read the lyrics and want to know my thoughts - I believe that he is the one making the call to his wife from Japan and therefore he didn't die). Point six, the man has created his own legend. Point seven, it has an amazing tune and drumming/marching beat. Point eight, it is performed by the one and only John Mayer. And finally point nine, it undoubtedly contains one of the best quotes I have heard in a while:

"Cos when you're done with this world, you know the next is up to you."
- Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967, John Mayer

The next is up to you.

Have a dream? Great, go live it.
Wanna create that piece of art? How about picking up that paintbrush.
Had an arguement with your friend? Pick up the phone and apologise.
Not hearing from God? Open your bible.
Got split ends? Book that hair appointment already. (I need to take my own advice on this one!)

The next is up to you.

Tonight I read through Psalm 13. I feel that this Psalm is a seasonal verse and at some point in our lives we will have the chance to relate word for word. It is a season of desperation, anguish, pleading and frustration. Sound familiar? If you simply look through the first four verses, well, things are pretty darn bleak:
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him, ”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But. (Possibly one of the most hopeful words in the english language). The next is up to you.
But I trust in Your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for He has been good to me.
- Psalm 13:5-6
Your attitude is everything. When the world throws all it can at you and you feel like you couldn't possibly handle anymore, what is your reaction? Will you be like Walt Grace and jump into your handmade submarine anyway, or will you let this sense of defeat become a self-fulfulling prophecy? Will you give up? Or will you give in to God? Because despite Him being seemingly silent and hidden, there will always be a 'but'.

But...well, the next is up to you.

Walt Grace, desperately hating his whole place, 
Dreamed to discover a new space, and buried himself alive,
Inside his basement, tongue on the side of his face meant,
He's working away on displacement, and what it would take to survive.

'Cause when you're done with this world, you know the next is up to you.
And his wife told his kids he was crazy, and his friends said he'd fail if he tried,
But with a will to work hard, and a library card,
He took a homemade, fan-blade, one-man submarine ride.

That morning, the sea was mad and I mean it,
Waves as big as he'd seen it, deep in his dreams at home.
From dry land, he rolled it over to wet sand,
Closed the hatch up with one hand, and peddled off alone.

'Cause when you're done with this world, you know the next is up to you.
And for once in his life it was quiet, as he learned how to turn in the tide,
And the sky was a flare, when he came up for air,
In his homemade, fan-blade, one-man submarine ride.

One evening, when weeks had passed since his leaving,
The call she'd planned on receiving, finally made it home.
She accepted, the news she'd never expected,
The operator connected, a call from Tokyo.

'Cause when you're done with this world, you know the next is up to you.
Now his friends bring him up when they're drinking, at the bar with his name on the side,
And they smile when they can, as they speak of a man,
Who took a homemade, fan-blade, one-man submarine ride.
- Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967, John Mayer


i wonder...

i love love love walking through the city. there are so many people to watch (and much different to people stalking or people staring - both are big no no's...appreciated by no one).

and so, as i was walking down this busy city street i thought to myself (being zero percent judgemental and one hundred percent curious):

"i wonder where that person is going? that man looks very serious...i wonder what he's thinking about right now?...work?...family?...finances?...the education system?...rugby? where have you come from? why is that man wearing a jacket that is fluro? what made him think 'yeah, i'm gonna buy this' when he picked it off the rack? have you just arrived or are you leaving? what's your chosen mode of transport?...bicycle?...train?...or are you about to get into that car that is parked on the double lines? what made you decide to break the law? you two are cute. how did you meet? i wonder why that child is and not at school...did their mum let them skip?...is it their birthday and they are out celebrating?...tourists on holiday? well then, ciao to you. but why on earth did you choose auckland of all places to visit? what brings you here to pass me this very second? what's your story? are you thinking about mine?

and so on and so forth...this really was just 30secs from my thought train of my entire walk through the city. and you know what, i never once got tired of it. and i think it is so incredibly and entirely ridiculous that i could only think about one person at a time and yet the street was crowded (i missed 99.99999% of all people on that one street at that one time on that one day) and yet this is happening millions of times over all around the world. there are stories everywhere that i know nothing about. imagine italy... croatia... thailand... istanbul... 

flip, God has the best job ever.


a little bat mitzvah

I did a little bit of research on bar/bat mitzvah celebrations (mainly because they throw the kid up onto a chair and dance around with them hoisted up there...and that is just down right exciting! Who wouldn't want to do a little research on this!.). And by research I do mean typing 'BAR MITZVAH' into the handy search engine google and then reading through my good friend - the Wikipedia.

(C'mon, how excited are these guys!)

And this is what I found out.

Bar Mitzvah ('Bat' for girls) is a Jewish coming of age ritual. In fact, I found out that there is such a thing as a 'Bark Mitzvah' (...and yes, this is a coming of age celebration for your dog). The Jewish meaning for 'Mitzvah' is 'commandments as said by God'. Before this coming of age the parents hold all the responsibility for the child's actions, but afterwards they are all on their own. They are accountable for their own responsibility in Jewish rituals, law, traditions and ethics. They are fully-fledged. And it's time to leave the nest. 

Although this is not a biblical concept and nothing of the sort was celebrated in Jesus' time (also found out through my 'research') maybe as a Christian we are meant to celebrate a type of 'bar mitzvah' in our faith. We need to reach a point of maturity where we need to hold ourselves responsible for our own actions, be accountable to what is written in the bible, and hold the 'commandments as said by God'. We do not need anymore hand holding and we can't expect to be spoon feed.

I have accepted the fact that I am no longer in my season of "busy being blessed" and beautiful things are not being handed to me on a plate - I have to search for them in the everyday mundane things (and sometimes really hard!). And this means I have to start purposely putting God first. A little thing I have decided to do is start a prayer journal. Every night (regardless of what time it is) I have to write out a full page of conversation with God. This tangible journal means that I can't fall asleep when I pray after turning off the light, and I know that by creating a type of challenge/goal I will stick to it (as defeat is my number one enemy).

I have to remind myself that this is a celebration. Looking in the haystack of life for that needle of beauty is a celebration because it means that God thinks I'm ready. And if He says I'm ready then who am I to argue.
So I'm gonna party it up and dance on chairs. Wanna join me? 


gathering stories

I want to be gathering stories. Creating memories. Starting an adventure. I am dying for change.

You could choose to read this one of two ways. Either that I am literally dying for the cause of change in this world. Or I am eager for a change in my life. The first is a selfless act. The second is a selfish boredom cry.

I am dying for change. Sister, which shall it be?

And then I heard you
You made me long for
To be a part of
Something that I can't see
A life that is beyond
Something that I can't fear
To be a part of
The story - It belongs to you
- Gathering Stories, Jonsi



I need Your grace to remind me to find my own.
- Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

I wanted to write a deep and long post about these words, mainly because they are weighing deep and long in my heart. But there's not a lot really needed to be said or written.

There's not a lot really needed to be said.