that's how it works

"Christ so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
- John 3:16

I think this verse gets candy coated. Alot. But I'm really wrestling with it. I feel like I can't accept His love because I don't understand it. To me it is simple: God should not love me because I do not love Him as I should. I realised that I've never been confronted with this before. My whole Christian walk I've never had to really consider my sinfulness. I use to always think I was a good person, and even when I use to ask God to forgive me of my sins I remember thinking there's not much to forgive.(Yes, you're allowed to gasp. I'm horrible.) Pretty naive huh? I have come to knew how wrong I was. 

"This saying is trustworthy and deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of who I am the worst." 
- 1 Timothy 1:15

As of late I've been finding trouble articualting my thoughts - to others and also to God. But then I will come across a song that says exactly what has been rolling around my tongue. This song is one of them. At the moment it is my prayer and my hope. My plead and my cry.

i know i need You. i need to love You.
i'd love to see You, but it's been so long.

i long to feel You. i feel this need for You.
And i need to hear You - is that so wrong?

Now You pulled me near You. When we're close i fear You.
Still im afraid to tell You all that i've done.

Are You done forgiving? Or can You look pass my pretending?
Lord, i'm so tired of defending what i've become.
What have i become?

i hear You say:
"My love is over, It's underneath, It's inside, It's in between.

The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel,
The times that you question 'is this for real?'
The times you're broken, the times that you mend,
The times you hate Me and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, It's underneath, It's inside, It's in between.

These times you're healing and when your heart breaks,
The times that you feel like you've fallen from Grace.
The times you're hurting, the times that you heal,
The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal.

In times of confusion, and chaos, and pain,
I'm there in your sorrow - under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache, I'm there in the storm,
My love i will keep you by My power alone.

I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been,
I'll never forsake you - My love never ends.

It never ends."
- Times, Tenth Avenue North 

How friggin' ridiculous is it that His love never ends. Even when we've come to the end of ourselves; when we're tempted by all the world has to offer; when we hate Him. Even if we were the ones who put the cross of thorns on His head; even if we were the one who betrayed Him and gave Him over to be crucified - even if we were freakin Judas, He would still love us. 

I call it stupid. He calls it Grace.

"I do not understand the mystery of Grace,
Only that it meets us where we are,
But does not leave us where it found us."

"You say that’s exactly how this grace thing works." 
- Mumford & Sons

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